Sunday, June 13, 2010

I am so pitiful and insecure.

DB asks, a few posts back, how come I haven't posted any pics of reJuJu clothing. I've been thinking about answering that, and here is what I've come up with:

1. I have a hard time taking pictures. You know how I'm trying to make a new recipe every week? Well, many of them end up sucking donkeys. Same with taking pictures. I know the idea is to keep trying until you get it, but I have many more marks in the failure column than in the success column in these areas, and it is quite demoralizing. So, thinking about taking photos of things I have made is a little daunting.

2. Also, how to stage the clothes is tricky. If I put them on myself, who takes the picture? I've thought maybe I need a dress form or mannequin or something. But is that pretentious? Or just practical? And what to do with the range of sizes I work with?

3. But both #1 and #2 can be addressed. The real problem, my friends, is that I am pitiful and insecure. I am worried that I will post something and that you, kind readers, will think, "That's ugly." Or, "that's nothing. A monkey could do that." Or, "oh great, another post about her silly little hobby."

I keep making the things, anyway, whether you like them or not. And not everyone will like what I make--I intellectually understand that. I just really enjoy doing the sewing, you know? And am not sure how I feel about it being so visible. So up for critique. But down that path lies growth, right? And I'm all about growth. So I can also address this worry, I suppose.

4. I can't really sew. Zippers make me shudder. I loathe ripping seams. I rarely follow patterns. Some times I make things from scratch, but they are pretty rough-hewn; a lot of times I just add stuff to things already made. So it's not even a big deal. Will posting here seem like bragging?

5. And, finally, I don't want the kind folks I work with and who pay my salary to think that I'm spending all my time sewing: I definitely don't. It is, in fact, my hobby--something I do nights and weekends in moments when my family is busy doing other things. I'm not making any money to speak of off it--a little pocket money, mostly. So I just needed to put that out there.

I don't know. None of this matters so much, I realize. You're getting another little glimpse into my sad little ego's machinations. But read the header: you were warned.

And yes, I did sneak some photos in. Do you still like me?


  1. I still like you lots and lots...especially for your honesty...

    And I like your work lots and lots. And lots. Does that help?

  2. certainly does :). Especially coming from one so talented and lovely! Thanks, C.

  3. I like you even more, me thinks. It's frightening to put yourself out there, knowing that ultimately, the universe will judge you. I had this realization recently about my writing, about why I never (EVER) finish anything. Finishing means it's not mine anymore. It means it's ready for the world, and ultimately ready for ridicule. It's everyone and their mother (and my mother) going, "Oh, so you mean you've been toiling away on this thing for years and THAT'S what you ended up with? Oh."

    And since I'm a quote nerd, here's one a fellow writer friend posted on facebook recently that you may like: "Fear of failure or success is one and the same. Both are fear of exposure. Not of our strengths, but of our weaknesses."

    So I say keep on sewing and rejujuing and being the awesome inspiring person that you are. And then post about it, because your blog kicks butt.


  4. Wow, Rachel--you said it better than I ever could have: "Finishing means it's not mine anymore." That's exactly it.

    I'm realizing, too, that fear can be a good thing, you know? The best things in my life have happened when I've moved toward the fear and not away from it. So this post was useful for me, because it highlights where I need to move toward, even though it's scary.

    Thanks for the comment.

  5. You've been blogging like a banshee...with typographical tourettes. Anyway, this is a great piece. I have a story about a hot lesbian and a Skid Row song that runs along these same lines. Just get it out there. The internet is so damn honest--or at least the needy little pips who comment on blogs can be--and it's sad that "Skywalker12" has as much clout than your loved ones. But since you know all that and you've put your sewing soul into these clothes, then what the heck. I'm happy to see it.

  6. I have no idea what this comment means, so I'll spend a few minutes laughing, and a few minutes being insulted, and then a few minutes feeling the fiery glory of adulation, just to cover my bases.


  7. Are you kidding? I heart you and all your ego machinations, which are human and real, more than you even know.