Week in Review

Recipe for a Week without The Pants

1. Gather your ingredients:

One major league baseball game, where Nolie eats an entire ice cream the size of her head.

One housewarming party, where the parents don't watch their kids, so I have to.

One episode of Addie coming in the house, saying, "Mom! There's a poop in my hand! From my butt!"

Three minutes spent washing the dishes, during which time Nolie manages to slice the pink dress she is wearing into a million tiny ribbons. Using "safety" scissors.

Twelve seconds of Addie watering the garden with the hose before she manages to spray me full-on in the face.

One dead bird in the yard, which must be disposed of.

One case of doggie pink-eye; three people on allergy medications; one person on nebulizer treatments; one person on antibiotics; two people on inhaled nasal steroids; countless bumped heads and scratched knees.

Two nights of Nolie sleeping in her own room. By choice.

Three drop-dead gorgeous spring days.


2. Mix all ingredients well. Once soggy and lumpy, also add in chores: mowing the lawn, vacuuming the endless supply of pet hair, taking out the trash, doing endless loads of laundry, and organizing oodles of doctor, veterinary, haircut, playdate, and other appointments. Add in a dash of a full-time career.

3. Pop in the oven until sizzling.

Tips for success: As soon as the girls fall asleep at night, collapse into bed and watch on-demand episodes of Parenthood, Community, 30 Rock, The Hills, and The City. Also, get loaded up with nuclear arsenal of allergy meds, and discover that you haven't actually been breathing for the last ten years. Suck air in like it was, well, air. Silently thank goodness for some forms of Western medicine. And eat copious amounts of vegan coconut ice cream.

When is E. coming back?