Joy 21

Joy 20

Boy, what a day.  Bittersweet.

Miss Addie officially turns 7, and so I picked up Nolie from school and then we picked Addie up from school, and took her to lunch at her favorite restaurant, Noodles:

So fun.

I took the kids back to school, and when I got home, I found that PruPru had vomited again on the bed.  She's not holding down food anymore, her tumor has grown gigantic, and she's starting to have more frequent anaphylactic symptoms.  So E. and I have decided that, unless the vet gives us a reason otherwise, we will say goodbye to her on Friday morning.  Or, I should say, Eric will say goodbye to her on Friday morning.

I had to leave this afternoon for San Francisco for a workshop, so I had to say goodbye to her today.

Suck.

I'm going to write these words for me and my cat now.

Pru.  Dear Prudence.  You have been such a gift to me.  You have been my constant friend and companion for 11 years.  You were here before my husband, before my babies, before my PhD, before my "career," before I learned who I was.  You were my family when I felt all alone.  I remember you as a kitten, jumping from the floor to the top of the curtain rod without even trying.  I remember how despondent you were when Migi died, and how pissed when we tried to replace him with Sadie.  You have always been a great cat.  A wonderkitty.

You were, and are, perfect.

I have your face memorized--the soft white of your chin, the coarse stripes above your eyes--your purr beats with my heart, your spirit full of love and light.  I'm so grateful to have had you in my life, to have felt the weight of you on my chest these last few months while you have been sick, and somehow you have still been able comfort me while I cried, desperately missing you already.  You have been one of my many sisters on this crazy-ass path, and I'm going to miss you so much.  Thank you for all the joy and comfort you have brought me.  You, Pru, are a joy.

Joy 19

Water in the ditch...

blue skies...

some green in Van Bibber...

Milo rolling in the grass...

red-winged blackbirds back in the trees...

Ferdinand smelling the crocus...

Spring!

Joy 18

hubba
hubba
hubby

Joy 17

We had to clean house this morning because yesterday we were in the birthday party whirlwind and not much got done.  Nolie helped with the musical accompaniment.

I had no idea how much joy Nolie's singing brought me until this project.

In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I had not fully realized how much joy, period, my children bring me until this project.

So, we cleaned toilets.

Then I got to go knit with some fellow lady-gals while it snowed unexpectedly.  

And there were brownies there.

Then I got to come home and grade student blogs.

There were no brownies there.

It was mostly depressing.

Then I got to make tex-mex pizzas for dinner.

They were delicious.

Then I put the girls down.

Then I took a hot bath.

And now I am going to do some yoga and try to stretch out my right hamstring, which is still royally effed up from playing volleyball the other night.

Joy 16

A girl, turning seven.  Soon.

Finally wearing blue jeans.
Wanting to wear her hair down most days to hide her perfectly perfect ears.
Tall.
Eating many bowls of spaghetti in a single bound.
Teacher says she is quiet at school.  Not shy.  Confident, sure of what she wants.  But quiet.  Nearly invisible sometimes, I think.

Lots of big emotions, still, and wearing them all over her face.
Loves telling jokes, making us laugh.
Fiercely independent.
Craving affection.
Totally messy.

Beautiful.
Sarcastic.
Kind.
Loving.
Unsure and totally sure.

Loves:  art, music, poetry, nature, animals.

A romantic.

My oldest, my love, my life.

Seven.

Joy 15

Friday:  the end of a long week of being responsible and doing things.  Wanting to go out and sit in the sun.  Give myself the day off.

But the work came over me and I wore heavy the burden of rewriting the nuclear power lecture, the encyclopedia entry, hoping I get it right.  Knowing there is no right.

Still, the joy of expectation:  my oldest's birthday, my birthday (I still get excited like a child), Friday night movie night, popcorn and cucumbers for dinner, cuddles on the couch.

We move toward that.

O Magazine's poetry issue features this, from ee cummings:

i thank you God for most this amazing

day:  for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

I move toward that.