Wednesday, January 5, 2011

You Give Me Fevah

The last few weeks were other-worldly.  I don't know how else to explain it.  This otherworldliness was, in many ways, wonderful.  I loved the slow mornings with the girls, the "treats" every day--trips to the movie theater, eating out, working on projects--the not checking my calendar at all.  I usually live my life by my calendar, you know?  So to just actually live my life?  Without my calendar telling me what to do?  Outrageous.

But then something weird started to happen.  I don't know why or how, but all of a sudden, a thing entered my life, and up-ended it somewhat, and now I'm wondering what happened to me the last few weeks, because there are whole swaths of time I cannot account for.

Want to know what it was?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Internet shopping.

I know.  Anti-climactic.  I don't know what else to say, except that I became a fiend for obsessively checking a few websites, most notably eBay (got an excellent deal on fashion-y waterproof Keen boots), and also Garnet Hill, Title Nine, Hanna Andersson, and maybe also DownEast basics.

Not even going to link to those, partly because I'm lazy and partly because I don't want you to be cursed the way I was cursed.

Not that you would be.  You are much more evolved than I.

I didn't really spend that much, money-wise.  No need to call Hoarders:  Buried Alive.  But I did spend some serious time, one of my most precious commodities, looking at products variously described with words like "hirsute olive," "plenary peplum," and "sandstone grit."

I'll never get those hours back.

Let me clarify--I wasn't ignoring my children during this time, or staying up late into the wee hours.  I didn't go totally bonkers.  But I would guess I spent an hour every evening hunched over the mac checking for deals, while dear E. wrangled the girls into endless games of Uno and Skipbo.

Not much integrity there.

So I'm in recovery, now, trying to spend my time doing yoga, walking the dog, preparing for spring classes, journalling.  I'm not obsessively checking to see if Garnet Hill has put their polka-dotted boiled wool slippers on sale (really, I'm not).  Instead I'm focusing on all of the good things I let fall by the wayside in my internet-induced stupor.

E. and I have also set some new financial goals for ourselves, and I'm hatching (oh-so-preliminary) plans to revive reJuJu in a different way.  The girls are back at school, and the spring semester looms.  These things help.

Has this ever happened to you, one of these obsessive fevers?  I get them every so often regarding certain behaviors, or items, or problems.  My brain gets stuck in these loops, these grooves, and I can't get out.  Then I wake up one day and wonder where the hell I've been, mentally, for the last month.  It's like my brain has gone on some bender and left the rest of me to try to live my life.  Without a brain.  Not pretty.

I must be insufferable to live with.  To all of you, I am sorry, deeply sorry, for how schizophrenic I am.

Blame it on the fever.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I know that fever well.

    Right now, I'm in a loop of baby haze. Yes, I know that I can and SHOULD put that baby down while he sleeps, and play with my other children. The less I do, the worse I feel, but I have a hard time coming out of it...I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying...