News

The good news is that E. had been miserable in that job for years, and now he gets a chance to figure out what he'd rather do or be instead, and that's a chance that everyone should have.

The good news is that we're in good shape in a lot of ways...it's not 2008, at the beginning of a nasty recession.  We have great health insurance.  I have a good job, that I love, in a lot of ways.  Above all, we're all healthy and love each other hugely, our house isn't flooded, and mostly our day to day lives won't change too much.  Not for a while.

The good news is that our day to day full court press will ease a bit.  We have a lot of negotiating to do in the days ahead about who will do what and how and when, but the treadmill has definitely slowed.  I admit to more than a little feeling of relief.

I'm not sure what the bad news is.  Money, maybe.  But not for a while.  The fact that there's no railing on that stupid effing deck and won't be for a good long time, most likely.  We're less robust, less resilient, financially, certainly.  Lord, don't let other shoes drop.

And small stuff:  That I won't get to eat out with you all as much?  That we'll have to clean our own house?  No more Boden dresses for a bit?  Hard to complain about all that.

Oh, I get swept up in anxiety now and then--waves of the jitters come and go.  I have a little blues here and there.  I'm curious and watchful and feel a little like I'm moving in slow motion.  I'm trying to make some meaning out of things but we're just not there yet.  N. reminds me to stay away from the catastrophies in my head and to just focus on the moment.

So I'm doing that.  I walk to work and notice:  the air is cool, I am breathing in and out, the sun is shining.