The Trouble with Nolie

I could use some group wisdom, my friends.  Because, while Nolie has had a good, exciting month, it has also been a really difficult month for all of us, and for Nolie.  Here's what I mean:

• She's still waking up once a night, terrified by something indeterminate.  We can usually get her back to sleep, but it's disruptive for everyone, and is sometimes followed by additional wakings.
• She's afraid to go anywhere in the house by herself, even to go upstairs to get her slippers, say.
• She has text anxiety.
• When she doesn't get what she wants, she screams and yells and has frightful tantrums.
• She will not leave our side, even in cases when she needs to (like, we're working with hot pans in the kitchen) and we are firm with her.
• She has trouble finding things to keep herself busy.  We are pretty hands-on parents, I think, playing with our kids a lot and involving them in most of what we do.  But sometimes your kid needs to go work on a puzzle for ten minutes so you can, I don't know, go to the bathroom.
• She complains of frequent tummy aches, and has diarrhea a lot.
• She engages in a lot of negative talk when she's very upset, stuff like "I'm a bad kid" and "I don't want to be a part of this world."  We try not to over-react, but this one in particular freaks us out.

What does this look and sound like to you, from the outside?  She's anxious and fearful, obviously, but how to respond?  Is this just a phase, and it's best to indulge her (get her slippers for her, let her hang close, verbalize her fears) until she grows out of it?  Or is it more serious?  Does she need counseling?  

And how do we survive this without losing our minds?

I feel so sad and confused.  She's such a loving, bubbly kid most of the time.  What is happening?

Edit:  Writing myself into my thoughts here; thank you for being patient with me.

First thought:  It's possible Nolie is experiencing separation anxiety.  She's always tended toward this somewhat, even as a baby, and maybe it's exacerbated right now.  She's said a few times lately, "I don't like you and Daddy doing all this business travel!  I only feel safe when my whole family is around me."  Okay, duh.  So that's probably part of it.  E. just got home from Switzerland and I'm headed to Boston, this week, so I could work on some ways to help her talk through her fears and also develop some tools to help her manage them.  For example, maybe I can make her a calendar that shows how many days I'll be gone, and then that she gets to spend a week with mommy and daddy over Thanksgiving break, and even longer over Christmas break.  She could cross off the days I'm gone and look forward to our vacation.  And we can remind her there are no more trips for a while.

Second thought:  Nolie's not "misbehaving," she truly is scared, so my first tendency, which is to be firm--with the idea that I'm helping her become "independent"--is not really working.  Instead, come at it with respect for her experiences, and respond with love.  If she needs someone with her to get her slippers, go get her slippers with her.  Help her back into bed gently at night, with love.  Invite her to do stuff with us, rather than trying to get her to go be on her own.  Try not to throttle her when she's up in your grill every freaking second of the day.

Okay, so I don't know what to do when I lose my cool yet.  Will have to figure that out.

Also, I'm going to make an appointment with the doc about her tummy, just to rule out anything medical that might be making her feel extra-punk.

I guess if this stuff doesn't work, we'll take her to our therapist, who specializes in kid and family therapy.