Every August, I have these blog posts printed into a book. I read some of the old entries to the kids at night; others I don't. But someday I hope they will read the books, and know how much they are loved, and maybe know me a little better.
But at this moment, I think it is time to end toddlerspit. We are going through what my friend Helen calls a domestic apocalypse, and not being able to write about my whole self makes it hard to write at all. There is a possibility we may make it through and stay together; it is equally possible we will not. Either way, I want to be honest with you, to lay bare all of my fears and worries, ugly as they are, and yet can't betray confidences and details of what I am going through. Not being real, though, does more harm than good, to me and to you.
I accept your well wishes, and concern, and love as I write this. I know you are sending it our way.
Maybe there will be another blog in the future; maybe I will write a book; maybe I will just journal my way through this. I don't know. I have to let things happen as they will in that regard.
But I do know that writing this blog, and knowing that you have read it, and seen me a little better, and commented and supported and laughed and cried with me, has made me a better and more complete person. Thank you for joining me on this ride.
Love,
Jen
Oh geez, woman, I am sad to see you go. But I completely and utterly understand. Best wishes to you from the depths of my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cassie. Knowing that you were there, blogging alongside me, has been wonderful! And I will continue to keep up with you and your beautiful family through your writing.
ReplyDeleteDear friend,
ReplyDeleteI will miss The Spit. I am one of the many sending well wishes, concern, love ... and strength and courage as you navigate the apocalypse. I have faith in you.
I miss you lots.
Hang tough.
Sloat Sister M.
Thanks, SSM. I miss you too, and I feel the love. I need it. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Jen,
ReplyDeleteIt has been quite a long time, but I've enjoyed keeping up with you through your blog. I saw you as a very strong, independent woman when I met you, and hope you see that too. Good luck with everything that is going on now - I hope it all works out for the best. And your kids are cute as heck, so you'll always have that :)
JD (from that nanotech conference in Chennai back in the day :) )
Dearest Jen,
ReplyDeleteI'm deeply sad to hear you are experiencing difficult personal questions about your life, your marriage, and who knows what else. If you can, check-in with those of us who have experience...we may possess wisdom that may give perspective that may help. I don't know. What I do know, is that separation and divorce is devastating to children, which sounds obvious, but to witness it from the perspective from a woman who's in the last chapters of her life, I may be able to offer a bit of help.
Reading your blog has kept me connected to your family, my sister's family, and thus the only connection to a fractured one. I am deeply disappointed and hope that one day you'll change your mind.
In the meantime, I send you my love, compassion, and understanding. Hang in there. Faith and time can heal a lot.
Love,
Gammy
JD, Rhonda, Chloe...thank you for all of these loving and wonderful words. They mean the world.
ReplyDeleteJ
So long, for now. JJ. I will miss your prose and the inspiration your words always bring. You have taught me so much about being real...I also know I will read your prose again. You are destined for a life with the pen and a very willing audience awaits the next lessons you will share. Thanks for letting me grow along with you these last 6 years. I love you. TT
ReplyDelete